He took that option, so isn't on the birth certificate.
"I said to him look, I'm not looking for a relationship, obviously that ship has sailed but if you would like to co-parent as friends, that would be ok, otherwise I've made the decision not to abort but I think it's unfair that I'm the only one who gets to make that decision so if you would like to figuratively abort it, there's that option too," she said. Lauren from Central Coast told us she let her baby daddy opt out. In most cases around the world, that's not legally supported in any way," Dr Matt says. "The argument from some groups that if men don't have a say in whether or not a pregnancy is going to be terminated, then perhaps they should have the right to abstain from any legal obligations but also any access or privileges, that they can legally 'abort' their pregnancy. and perhaps his voice needs to be heard, even if it doesn't have veto rights or a swaying judgement."īut if you got someone pregnant and she decides to keep the baby and names you on the birth certificate, you'll be required to pay child support, without getting any say in it. "You might have a right to know something but not have a right to influence that decision. "It doesn't necessarily follow from informing this father of what's happened that you're actually granting him a say in the decision-making process," Dr Matt says.
Legally speaking, the decision is squarely on the shoulders of the mother. "Lucy will have the opportunity to name the father on the birth certificate, he may not consent to that, he might not sign off on those documents," but she can still do that, and if he's found to be the biological dad, he's liable for child support.īut how much of a say does he really get? Does the dad get a say in your decision? "If Lucy doesn't reveal to her ex-partner that she's pregnant, the ex-partner will never really know, and therefore he's not even got the opportunity to have a say or opt in in that respect," Antonella Sanderson, Family Law Matters Principal Solicitor, says. "It's always better to have the support of someone around you if you can, rather than to face these things on your own," Jenny says.īut if you're planning on keeping the baby, hiding that from him is a sticky ethical issue. He might be a good support, and you'll be needing that right now. So don't necessarily assume he'll react badly. Matt says it comes down to the golden rule: "How would we want to be treated if we were on the receiving end?" if informing the guy is going to put Lucy at risk in any way then that of course changes the decision." "That's partly because he'd said 'I'm not interested in kids', but those were hypothetical kids and now we've got a reality in front of us. "Part of dilemma is whether to inform or not because we're doing a lot of assuming here about what the decision would be if this guy were to get the information," he says. If he's going to pressure you either way, it may not be the best idea to make things even harder for yourself.īut then again, Dr Matt Beard from The Ethics Centre says you can run into problems assuming how someone might react. "So part of the decision would be, what are the benefits of ? Would that person put undue pressure to go against your own wishes?" "It's a woman's right to choose whether she proceeds with the pregnancy or not, and there is nothing to compel her to tell the guy she was with," Jenny says.
You have no legal obligation to let him know.
"It would make me rethink my options." Do you need to tell him? If the dad wanted it however, she'd have to reconsider. "I'm trying to decide whether to tell him, whether it'll complicate things and whether he wants to know or whether he doesn't."